Monthly Archives: January 2019

Always Keep Fighting

By Laurena Aker

(The Always Keep Fighting—AKF—campaign inspired the #HoldOnToTheLight campaign. Here’s the story behind AKF.)

In May of 2015, Jared Padalecki, one of the lead actors on the long-running television show Supernatural, tweeted the following message to his fans:

“I am in desperate and urgent need of my family. I am so sorry to tell you this but I must head home. I need all of the love I can get right now. Please please give me a few seconds of your time and write me.” 

This public plea for help understandably alarmed Jared’s followers worldwide. Two years later in his courageous chapter in the book Family Don’t End With Blood, Jared admitted that he had hit rock bottom during a convention tour in Europe, and alone and exhausted, contemplated suicide just hours before writing that message. His chapter compassionately explains that once before when he had been crushed by feelings that “something” was wrong, he was diagnosed with clinical depression but despite naming the beast, he still didn’t fully comprehend the power his internal monster had over him. Motivated by his responsibilities and passionate work ethic, he pushed down or rationalized the desperation his mind, body and spirit were trying to communicate to him until it finally, unexpectedly overpowered him.

Jared’s confessions about his struggle with depression were not a surprise to his fans, affectionately referred to as the “Supernatural Family”.  Early in 2015, Jared launched his first “Always Keep Fighting” fundraising campaign in response to losing a dear friend to suicide on New Year’s Eve. During the campaign, Jared revealed his personal fight with anxiety and despair. He encouraged people to reject the shame associated with mental illness and to seek help to “always keep fighting” against the ravages of self-doubt and depression. Jared’s messages hit home with the fandom. The #AKF campaign sold a record number of tee shirts and raised thousands of dollars for mental illness charities. Fans even bought #AKF merchandise for people who couldn’t afford to buy items for themselves. The resonance of the campaign stunned both the actor and the fans. Jared, a fan idol and the person who brought to life a character of strength and hope on his television show, admitted a personal vulnerability to his fans and was not only fighting with them but for them. Emboldened by his example and trusting the safety of the fandom space, people who had previously hidden or ignored their own confused or unidentified pain came forward on social media and websites, to their friends and to their families. Pleas for help were immediately met with an outpouring of love and practical, real-life assistance including support groups and personal outreach intervention. #AKF became a shorthand for defying being alone or ever being defeated, and providing the strength of compassionate understanding and comradery. It was emblazoned in tattoos, art, wristbands and tea lights. It was even immortalized on the side of a building in a Supernatural episode.

Seven more #AKF campaigns followed the first, each with a different message of self-awareness and mental health. The gravity of the underlying sentiments was always emphasized but the campaigns evoked fun, Supernatural themes to lighten the delivery.  Over the next 18 months, subsequent campaigns added “Love Yourself First”, “I Am Enough” and “Family Always Has Your Back” to the mottos taken to heart by the Supernatural Family.  In February, 2016, a parallel but related “You Are Not Alone” campaign was launched by Supernatural co-stars Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins to take their concern for the wellbeing of their fans one step further. Partnering with Misha’s charity Random Acts and two other charitable groups, the pair established the “SPNFamily Crisis Support Network”, an online army of trained volunteers who could intervene in moments of crisis and help fans cope with depression, self-injury or addiction.     

“Always Keep Fighting” had started out as a fundraising t-shirt sale but it turned into an attitude engrained in the Supernatural Family’s identity. Obviously, the movement touched a massive, latent need for support of those affected by mental illnesses. The Supernatural fandom was an ideal place to launch this global dialog and microcosm of community empathy. The fandom already saw itself as a “family” based on the prevalent family themes within the show. Episodic adages such as “Have your back” and “Family don’t end with blood” reinforced this notion of family. The show’s multi-decade run also created stability, and a perceived importance and responsibility within its fandom relationships. Children grew into adults and adults passed through multiple life stages accompanied by the familiar characters of the show and the friendships and frameworks within the fandom. The actors’ and fans’ year-around interactions with each other at conventions contributed to the real life tangibility of these relationships. The show’s core lessons of hope, resilience and prevailing against insurmountable odds had also permeated the fandom’s psyche – all ideals that fed the #AKF mindset.  

From people’s own admissions, the Always Keep Fighting movement saved countless lives. Websites and social media accounts such as Carry-On Supernatural and Supernatural Survivors; and charities such as Random Acts, To Write Love on Her Arms, and IMAlive continue to spread Jared’s, Jensen’s and Misha’s messages of hope and survival.  Hopefully, #AKF’s beacon of light helps shatter the stigma of secrecy and shame surrounding mental illness.

 

Laurena Aker is an independent author and editor. Since 2014 she has been the Managing Editor for The Winchester Family Business, the largest review website for the TV show Supernatural.  Her first book, Fan Phenomena: The Twilight Saga (2016) is a fun, informative combination of behind-the-scenes interviews and expert analysis of Twilight’s decade-long impact on literature, music, the entertainment industry and opportunities for women. Her Supernatural publications include a chapter in the best-selling book Family Don’t End With Blood, over 200 feature articles, weekly reviews for TV Fanatic, and the paper “Sparking and Sustaining Superfandoms: Similarities in The Twilight Saga and Supernatural Success Stories”. Prior to embarking on her writing career, Laurena was a Principal with Accenture, a leading global management and technology consulting firm.

 

The Winchester Family Business’ #AKF Related Articles:  https://www.thewinchesterfamilybusiness.com/wfb-tags-list/always-keep-fighting

Supernaturalwiki history of AKF: http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/Always_Keep_Fighting

Supernaturalwiki history of YANA: http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/SPNFamily_Crisis_Support_Network

Family Don’t End with Blood: https://fangasmthebook.com/

 

#HoldOnToTheLight is a blog campaign encompassing blog posts by fantasy and science fiction authors around the world in an effort to raise awareness around treatment for depression, suicide prevention, domestic violence intervention, PTSD initiatives, bullying prevention and other mental health-related issues. We believe fandom should be supportive, welcoming and inclusive, in the long tradition of fandom taking care of its own. We encourage readers and fans to seek the help they or their loved ones need without shame or embarrassment.

 

Please consider donating to or volunteering for organizations dedicated to treatment and prevention such as: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Hope for the Warriors (PTSD), National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), Canadian Mental Health Association, MIND (UK), SANE (UK), BeyondBlue (Australia), To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA) and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.

 

To find out more about #HoldOnToTheLight, find a list of participating authors and blog posts, or reach a media contact, go to http://www.HoldOnToTheLight.com and join us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/WeHoldOnToTheLight

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Filed under #HoldOnToTheLight, Guest Blogger

Fighting History

By Faith Hunter

I was asked years ago to participate in Hold On To the Light, a forum for writers who deal with emotional or mental issues and I never could. I’d start to write and my fingers would freeze on the keyboard and I’d develop an instant panic attack and I’d stop. I always said, “Next time I’ll do it. Next time I will be able to write the words.” This has gone on for over two years.

I’m a writer, mind you. Fiction, even emotionally charged fiction, is easy. Not this. And it’s intensely personal, so … Hard. Maybe even brutal. But if I’m going to open up, it has to be personal, right? And personal is supposed to be difficult?

Hi. I’m Faith and I have panic attacks.

The hard part wasn’t just the writing of the words. Until recently I wasn’t able to even talk about this issue in a public setting, and when I finally did, it wasn’t freeing, as I had hoped it would be. Talking about all this “weird me stuff” resulted in a rare deep depression that took weeks to lift. More recently, as I’ve mulled over my emotional and physical reactions to attempting to write about anxiety, I have begun to spot the causes and the young lifestyle and the personal history that contributed to my panic attacks. Not that any one thing made me the way I am. Not at all. In fact I think I’d have panic issues no matter how or where or when I grew up. My paternal grandmother had panic attacks, misdiagnosed in the sixties as heart problems. For forty years she took meds she likely didn’t need. She lived to 99 and never had heart problems. It was all anxiety. Dad had depression and other emotional and mental issues that he refused to treat for his entire life, because real men didn’t have emotional problems. They just pulled up their bootstraps and soldiered on, making themselves and everyone around them miserable.

And that is where my “can’t talk about it” mentality came from. Dad. For all my life I pasted a smile on my face and pushed through, even when the anxiety morphed up to suicidal ideation. Even when rare bouts of mild to moderate depression joined the anxiety. I knew they would pass. I knew that. So I didn’t deal with it. I just waited it out. Making everyone around me miserable.

Just. Like. My. Dad.

All this started at onset of adolescence, age twelve. I was the weird kid who hid from the world with my nose in books—science fiction, fantasy, and mysteries. I was bullied. Abused. My family life was falling apart in a nasty, messy divorce that still has intense repercussions 50 years later. My parents sent me to a psychiatrist who prescribed meds. They did nothing to help me, so by my teens and early twenties I self-medicated. But I also I fell in love with writing and discovered that diving into a make-believe world was the BEST way to survive the day-to-day episodes. To fight off the suicidal ideation that sometimes accompanied the panic attacks, I stayed busy. Between writing and the day job (make that night-shift job at a hospital) I was pulling 70 – 90 hour weeks to keep sane.

I didn’t sleep well. I didn’t eat well. In my thirties and forties I discovered Kava and St. John’s Wort, which helped mitigate the rare bouts of depression but did nothing for the anxiety—the heart racing, tear inducing, hide-in-my-writing because I might listen to the suicidal ideation voices in my head. I wrote. And wrote. I worked at the lab. I had success and failures. And I pushed on.

Just. Like. Dad.

Until I developed health issues that forced me to rest.

In my forties I developed weird inflammation in my hands and shoulder muscles. My joints ached. My hands stopped working. I couldn’t type. I had to wear braces when I wasn’t at the lab. I had to hire a typist to transpose my hand written novels. For years it got worse. I was falling apart and I was still overdoing.

The Kava and St. John’s Wort helped. Some. I prayed. I survived. I prayed some more. I went through menopause early and the suicidal thoughts and bouts of depression that had begun at adolescence decreased markedly. Estrogen was my enemy, it seems. My husband held my hand through all this. Decades of physical pain and fighting off suicidal thoughts. Decades of making do.

Just. Like. Dad.

In my fifties I finally told my medical doctor about my symptoms.

I stopped being like my father.

I asked for help.

Now that was freeing! Because I was worried about side effects of drugs, my doc adjusted my herbs and put me on a strict schedule of meditation / prayer, exercise, therapeutic massage, and rest. He insisted I eat right. Go to church. REST. I began to get better. The inflammation decreased. But I wasn’t well. I was still suffering. Living in a make-believe world was my only true respite. I wrote like a madwoman.

Another year went by and my doctor convinced me to try an anti-anxiety med. And—

It was amazing. The anxiety attacks just … melted away. Another doctor told me I might be allergic to corn and I got off corn products. The inflammation began to go away. I adjusted my eating habits some more and changed supplements. I found a passion that got me out of my desk chair and did not hurt my joints—whitewater paddling.

There was no magic bullet. It took changes in every aspect of my life. My husband still held my hand through all this. I am blessed to have him. To have friends who cut me some slack when I had to go off and be alone, or when I was snappy or quick tempered, or when I couldn’t deal with life stuff.

I got better. All because I stopped being like my father.

I asked for help.

Am I completely free of anxiety attacks? No. And since my cardiologist wants me off my current med, because it’s addictive, I’ll have to make new changes to my lifestyle, with the help of my general practitioner. But I am happier now. I seldom have suicidal ideation. I am at peace as much as I am able.

I stopped being like my father.

I asked for help. That is the way I have held onto the light. I asked for help. Asking for help isn’t weakness. Or foolishness. It’s brave. And it’s freeing.

Faith Hunter

http://www.faithhunter.net/

 

#HoldOnToTheLight is a blog campaign encompassing blog posts by fantasy and science fiction authors around the world in an effort to raise awareness around treatment for depression, suicide prevention, domestic violence intervention, PTSD initiatives, bullying prevention and other mental health-related issues. We believe fandom should be supportive, welcoming and inclusive, in the long tradition of fandom taking care of its own. We encourage readers and fans to seek the help they or their loved ones need without shame or embarrassment.

 

Please consider donating to or volunteering for organizations dedicated to treatment and prevention such as: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Hope for the Warriors (PTSD), National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), Canadian Mental Health Association, MIND (UK), SANE (UK), BeyondBlue (Australia), To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA) and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.

 

To find out more about #HoldOnToTheLight, find a list of participating authors and blog posts, or reach a media contact, go to http://www.HoldOnToTheLight.com and join us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/WeHoldOnToTheLight

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Them Bones

 

A #HoldOntoTheLight Blog Post by Jeanne Adams

After my mother died, I discovered she had been abused by her dad. That revelation made sense of so many inexplicable things in my life. The knowledge was horrible and sad and illuminating.

I never met my maternal grandfather (or any of my grandparents) because I was a “late life” baby. My parents were old as Methuselah when I was born. To give you a reference point, my grandparents were born in the 1880s. Yeah, that old.

Once I knew about the abuse, it all fit. Don’t believe anyone who tells you that abuse and depression don’t have a genetic component. They do. Add in parenting and you’ve got the bones on which we build our lives.

Mama was a tough taskmaster, controlling, hard to please, hypercritical and stern. Not surprising, given how she’d been raised––a passive-aggressive, abused mom paired with an abusive dad who’d made no secret that he wanted boys, and got girls. On the other hand, my dad was a teddy bear who’d been groomed for the ministry or medicine – neither of which he took to.

Mama had enough spine for four people and dad was a few vertebrae shy of a full backbone. And them bones…well, they played a huge part in how I saw the world.

One thing I realized about the same time as I figured out the abuse thing, was that my parents were perfect for one another. Mama couldn’t have married an alpha-male type. She had obvious reason to deeply distrust a domineering “Thou Shalt Not” kind of man, and she had so much determination that a marriage with another dominant would have been unmitigated hell.

Daddy knew when to stick up for himself, but he certainly didn’t put himself forward or excel at sports. Oddly enough, he did well in his career, advancing to significant success as a Director of Libraries. But, emotionally he didn’t want to be in charge. Not really. He liked that mother was willing to tell him––couched in modest language––what to do. He liked that her strong opinions absolved him of emotional responsibility.

I wouldn’t want to marry either of them. Yikes! However, together, they had enough strength in their backbones to raise two strong-willed boys, one hellion redhead, and me. We all turned into reasonably responsible adults. A miracle!

They balanced one another and found their roles and niches. For all the flaws I perceived, it worked. The balance was precarious sometimes. When hard times hit or depression loomed, it sometimes failed. Spectacularly. But they muddled through.

My mama didn’t live to see the 21st century. She would have been amazed and appalled by iPhones and pussy hats. I was in my twenties when she died of cancer, but I realized she was incredibly brave. For an abuse survivor of that era to leave home, go to college, get married and have kids was pretty damn courageous. Her sisters didn’t manage it. She fought every day to strap down her temper and not pass on the abuse she’d suffered. Most of the time, she succeeded. Sometimes, she didn’t. As a parent of two strong-willed sons, I understand how challenging that must have been.

My takeaway, thanks to therapy, is that mama deliberately chose to flip off her father and marry a good, sweet, loving man. She chose, deliberately and with great courage, to raise her children better than she’d been raised. From the grave, her stern admonition of “do better than I did, young lady” still echoes in my ears. I listen. I try.

My mother’s life was a parable of choice shaping the person––spitting in the eye of genetics, socio-economics and “your raising”.as we Southerners put it. The bones, the foundations my parents provided, had cracks and patches but they held. They were unwavering when it counted. I hope my children will say the same. My parents changed their upbringing. The choices were imperfect, but they broke the cycle.

You can too. They improved upon the last generation. I strive for that. They weren’t abusers. They encouraged rather than belittled. They did better. You can too. Choose to live. Choose to live better. Defy the odds. Be the bones of a new foundation for the future, even if your own foundations had to be torn down and rebuilt anew with tears and courage.

I know you can. I believe in you. Go. Praise. Encourage. Build. Live.

Do better.

#HoldOnToTheLight is a blog campaign encompassing blog posts by fantasy and science fiction authors around the world in an effort to raise awareness around treatment for depression, suicide prevention, domestic violence intervention, PTSD initiatives, bullying prevention and other mental health-related issues. We believe fandom should be supportive, welcoming and inclusive, in the long tradition of fandom taking care of its own. We encourage readers and fans to seek the help they or their loved ones need without shame or embarrassment.

Please consider donating to or volunteering for organizations dedicated to treatment and prevention such as: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Hope for the Warriors (PTSD), National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), Canadian Mental Health Association, MIND (UK), SANE (UK), BeyondBlue (Australia), To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA) and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.

To find out more about #HoldOnToTheLight, find a list of participating authors and blog posts, or reach a media contact, go to http://www.HoldOnToTheLight.com and join us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/WeHoldOnToTheLight

Leave a Comment

Filed under #HoldOnToTheLight, Guest Blogger