Paranormally Speaking

By

Tina R. McSwain

Are You Ready…

For the Zombie Apocalypse?  Traditionally, Zombies were beings made of voo doo spells.  They were the dead brought back to do the bidding of the living.  To quell them, you simply put salt in their mouths and sewed their mouths up.  Enter George A Romero and The Night of the Living Dead.  Zombies would never be the same.

There have been sequels by Romero as well as other well known “zombie movies”.  Some good, some VERY bad.  Recently, we have had a new player in this fascination with Zombies.  The Walking Dead, a very well written saga of a band of survivors led by Rick Grimes, a law enforcement office from Cynthiana, KY.

Over time, we have learned alot about Zombies.  In George’s version they are turned by a cosmic event which brings all the dead to life, in search of human flesh for sustenance.  In AMC’s The Walking Dead, we do not know what has caused the dead to walk, but we assume it is some sort of biological weaponry gone wrong.

With the current events in Florida, New Jersey, West Virgina, and Canada, we best hone up on our survival skills.  Following are suggestions and tips on how to survive a Zombie attack:

Who better to give this kind of advice than a Paranormal Expert, right?

First, remember they are slow.  You can outrun them.  With all the limb dragging and body parts falling off due to decay, you have time.  Just don’t get cornered or try to take on more than just a few of them.  Being outnumbered by Zombies will not end very well for you.  In TWD, we learn that the cold slows them down even further.  Therefore, do all of your Zombie hunting in the winter months.  You may want to think about Canada or Alaska as your new permanent home.

Second, do not make any noise.  This includes the sounds made by gunshots.  It is best to find and utilize a bow and arrow or cross bow to take these suckers out.  (No noise).  And, in a world devoid of industry, you can make an arrow out of a very sharp twig.  In TWD. Michonne makes very good use of a Ninja sword.  Might want to add that piece to your collection now.  (A true Jedi Lightsaber would come in most handy where facing a hoard of Zombies).  Also, a baseball bat, shovel or ax will work in a pinch.

Third, they MUST be mortally wounded in the head.  Kill the Brain!! Anything else will render them a threat.  They can still grab you and bite you.  Double tap if necessary.  But conserve ammunition.  Again, no industry for the manufacture of bullets and gunshots are loud  (refer to above paragraph)

Fourth, siphon gas from all the abandoned vehicles you will find along the way.  Pick a vehicle with high gas mileage as your escape vehicle.  Toyota Prius would be my choice.

Fifth, find food.  VERY important to find and salvage all the food you can.  Scavenge all stores, houses, cars, etc.  If you find a Wal-Mart, definitely hit it, but beware of the Wall-Martian Zombies left inside. The government says canned foods are good as long as there is no rust or the can has not blown up, so enjoy.

Sixth, grab as many weapons as you can.  Guns, ammo, shovels, swords, knives, bats, bow and arrow, anything that can be used to bash in or cut off the head of a Zombie.  (NOTE”  if you do cut off the head, it can still bite.  Be sure and crush the skull with whatever means at your disposal) Note:  National Guard Armories and police stations, as well as military bases would be an excellent place to search for weapons.

Seventh, find some sort of secure shelter.  Gated communities or even prisons would be a good choice.  However, ALWAYS have an escape plan if things start to go south on you. A solar equipped house with solar heating and air, solar power etc would be best.  (A battery powered car that could be charged with solar would be ideal as well.)

Eight, find bottled water, or boil your own.  Find and keep a lighter or matches handy for starting fires.

Ninth, remember you MUST put down any of your colleagues as soon as they die.  They will come back to bite you!  Again, in the head!!

And, finally, tenth, it is best to survive in a group.  More targets for the Zombies, and you can always sacrifice the weak or the slow so that you can make your escape and live on to fight another day.

A word of caution…people can be more dangerous than Zombies, so always keep your guard up around your “friends”.  Civility and humanism goes out the window in a true catastrophe.  And, being a pilot of an aircraft (or knowing one and saving him/her) might be a good idea.

I hope you will take heed of this public service announcement by CAPS Founder, Tina McSwain, and commit this information to memory so that you too can survive the Zombie Apocalypse!

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